And I keep on moving

Perhaps ending my friendship with Summer has brought me to a place in my life where I don't feel so afraid of what's to come tomorrow. I was tired of the mental abuse I took from her for the past 4 1/2 years. I can honestly say that I am in a better place emotionally, although still struggling with my vices just as any human on earth does.
This chastity proposal I have taken on upon my own soul is kicking my butt. It's not so much the part where I do not share flesh with another human being (particularly of the male species), but the whole pleasuring myself business. I guess it goes hand in hand. To dwell into the lust of someone else's flesh who may not be physically next to you (or ON you) does wonders to your soul and may now actually give you the benefits that you desire. My friends think I'm completely crazy with this new project I've schemed up for myself. Honestly, I'm doing it for God and myself. I do not exactly know how long we have here on earth, so in case of the Messiah's return I don't want to be caught doing something that will keep me from going where I should be going.
Perhaps soon I shall feel a lot more better. Medication, prayer, therapy, friendships both new and old will keep me grounded and enjoying my time here.

I truly believe losing my friendship with Summer is a bit different than when I lost mine with Sharina. One thing they both possessed was an assumption that there was no hope for me as an individual. That any attempts to change and become better at living would all be in vain and that it wouldn't exactly work out, being the person I once was. But I have gained a tremendous degree of maturity since the demise of my friendship with Sharina. Life is a learning experience, and as angry as I'll always be at her and Raheem, I know it will only ease more and more as the days go on. God will places more people who will show me the fruit I shall learn from in these trying years.


Still no word from Planet Beauty *sigh*