after a seemingly long hiatus with my best friend, i finally hung out with her this evening. although, of course, it did not go as planned. her fiance shows up and it's only a matter of time before he starts to become annoying and forces me to retreat. i don't know how she's going to marry him without having to first change his childish ways and see that they are annoying. they baby this guy. yet they complain when he does something wrong and he goes back to doing whatever he wants to do like an immature child. i only force myself not to throw my hands up and scream in his presence.

school starts monday and i'm somewhat ready for it. except the whole astronomy lab thing i'm not too crazy about. i don't understand why i need to learn all these useless facts and numbers when i wont be using them as an artist. i don't even use them NOW. that's what calculaters are for.

my eyes are growing tired and i'm happy to say that i had enough money to purchase a pack of marlboro ultra light 100's today. i feel so much better. is there any point in quitting really? according to numerous philosophers and theologians, we're living in the end times. jesus is coming back for us soon, and although he says not to look for it, let it happen on it's own, i can't help but wonder if anything i'm doing right now is even worth continuing if supposedly the world ends on december 21st, 2012. it only makes me anxious and fearful of what's to come.

work tomorrow ALL day. not looking forward to it. saturdays are the worst. i'll get through it though, God willing.

by the way, after shopping at The Alley in downtown L.A. with my bestfriend, i was reunited with these wonderful religious bracelets. Most of them depict special people from the Bible, the life of Jesus, or the Virgins as they were encountered throughout the world. I don't leave home without it.

of course

i knew i'd forget to write in this thing the minute i got it. it's strange how someone who loves to write just can't seem to get it all out in his own writing. sometimes i don't have the energy. i don't know why. i feel bad because i know that it's possible for me to carry out this gift and desire for words but can't seem to enjoy it enough to simply do it constantly.
i recently read my cousin's blog and she's just like me. digi cam handy at all times and she's always trying to keep memories locked. i need to carry my journal where ever i go. i started my own Book of Hours/devotional/prayer folder where I can go back and read each prayer i felt got me through whatever i needed to go through.
shuffling through my dirty closet, i found all these old notebooks with my poetry in them. there's tons and i didn't realize how much there was until i found them all. of course, they need to be edited with satisfaction of a future reader. honestly, from what i read, i don't understand WHY i wrote whatever i wrote at the moment. sometimes it seems ridiculous...so maybe some of those will remain private until i'm satisfied with the outcome of the editing process i'll be performing.
i've got a lot to say...especially since last week i've been wanting to say something. i just need to find a way to put it into words.