my guilty heart behaved so foolishly.

i know it may not be God's plan for me, but what is it with men and myself? why is it that they all possess the same amount of immaturity no matter what age they are? i don't know exactly when i'll be able to trust someone fully the way i once thought i could. i miss marvin like crazy. i wish he'd come back. it's hard to feel as though i don't love him as much as i love God. God is great and will only save me from myself but...i just need marvin back.

God is great. God is beautiful and love.

let's go...

I woke up this morning with pain in my heart for someone from my past who I feel deserved better than what i put them through. I don't know if contacting them the way I did in my dream would help matters or just make them worse. I miss him terribly.

After watching documentaries on Sundance, I felt a need to want to leave America and go to the Holy Land...or just the Middle East in general. My uncle was tired of America, converted to Islam and is now living happily in Morrocco. I want to live a simple Christian life in that way. In a city where people just don't care with the hustle and bustle of the American life. I honestly feel that, although there are extremists out there who cause bodily harm, there are extremists here who cause psychological harm.

My escape from Summer was long overdue.

rainbows.

"you must face the storm with the sun behind you in order to see the rainbow"


life is a daily walk. it doesn't matter if you believe or you don't believe. it's something that needs to keep us going. It's been about 2 weeks not since summer and i have cut ties. i still carry the anger everyday from her harsh words and pray to God that he'll change her mindframe and her way of thinking. to keep her from judging people all the time and just LET IT BE. maybe it's the prozac talking, i dunno. i just know, my mind is changing and it's all for the better. there's always going to be rainy days for me, and that's just life i suppose. it wont keep me from doing what needs to be done and what God has planned for me. i'm thankful for what i have, although it isn't much, it's still mine. and no one can take that from me.